June 30, 2007
Because I have to go to my college Gaudy tonight. Actually, I don’t have to but I want to. I am so looking forward to meeting the friends I made there, some of whom I’ve lost touch with and haven’t seen for over 20 years.
However, all the bad memories have come flooding back. The terror and confusion of my first day, week, term, year… of being a fish out of water; of everyone being confident, well-spoken and knowledgeable. I’d been born and brought up in a council house, had a broad Midlands accent (I still do) and went to a bog-standard comprehensive. I didn’t know what a gap year was, much less a kibbutz (a place where several young women had spent their gap years.)
And don’t tell me that being an ‘award-winning’ romance/chick-lit author should give me confidence. Oh no. I’d be better off claiming I’ve been studying the nose hairs of the Albanian parrot for the past 20 years. Everyone there will be hugely successful in every field - biochemistry, physics, medicine, law, the arts, writing, TV, the diplomatic service, defence, history, classics… you’d have to have won the Booker Prize for anyone to even be mildly interested in what you do. You think I’m exaggerating? You don’t know what I do.
Only the other day I had a ‘moment.’ I was in a posh tea room with two very dear but incredibly erudite (Oxbridge) friends and didn’t know which tea to choose, having only ever sampled the English Breakfast/Typhoo variety.
I’m absolutely terrified and I may not turn up! My only consolation is that I was going along partly as research for a novel on the very theme of a Gaudy and the terror thereof. 
Posted by Phillipa in Uncategorized @ 5:45 am
Nell Dixon Says:
Fixes Pip with a hard stare. Don’t make me come down there and shake you! You’ve worked bloody hard for everything you’ve achieved. Most of them there will secretly be jealous to death because you are doing what millions of people would love to do and you’re fabulous at it. Relax, chill out, and take anything you hear with a sack full of salt. See you at the conference??? Hugs!
Michelle Styles Says:
Lining up with Nell to shake you! You are a huge success. I would imagine that many people there would like to be in your shoes and more than a few will be romance readers.
And does it really matter what they think? Let them be po-faced if they wish. YOu KNOW how hard you worked.
Laura Vivanco Says:
you’d have to have won the Booker Prize for anyone to even be mildly interested in what you do. You think I’m exaggerating? You don’t know what I do.
It will just demonstrate a lack of curiosity on their parts if they’re not interested in what you’ve been doing. It they’re really that different from you, then they should find your life interesting and exotic, and if their lives aren’t that different from yours, then you needn’t worry.
Anyway, it’s probably too late now and you’re already been and come back, so I hope you’ve had a good time.
Kate Hardy Says:
Sending you a hug. I do hope you had a better time than you thought you had.
I know where you’re coming from (that was the basis of my book The Cinderella Project) but just remember how well you’ve done, and it doesn’t matter a bit what your accent is or whether you’re a size zero or a size thirty. Believe in yourself.
As for the ’successful’ ones - my bet is that there’s a fair amount of jealousy on their parts, too. How many of them wanted to write a book and never even got one published, let alone won an award?
Hold your head high. Because you can.
Phillipa Says:
Hi everyone,
Thanks for your comments - and Kate - I will have to track down The Cinderella Project! It was a great evening, in the end. Even Sir Neil, the Warden was sweet about the books! I really did feel a bit Cinderella-ish with everyone in black tie, sitting down to dinner in the Great Hall.