How do you deal with Rejection?

March 8, 2012

On Monday, for inspiration and research, the Coffee Crew hit the bright lights of Wightwick Manor – a Victorian house in the care of the National Trust. It’s crammed with Arts and Crafts treasures and furnishings by artists such as Dante Gabriel Rossetti, Millais and William Morris.

However, it was a tiny drawing in the dining room that really captured our attention and made us laugh. It’s a cartoon by Dante Gabriel Rossetti of his sister Christina Rossetti, having a tantrum, after receiving a rejection for her poems.

It’s copyright of the National Trust but you can see it HERE.

We laughed and nodded in agreement as all three of us have received Rs for our work at some point, like almost every single writer I know.

So think of some ways of dealing with Rejections. Everyone’s different – and some rejections are more painful than others.

Knowing how much of the advice to take on board and what to ignore, is an art in itself. You have to try to develop your knowledge of the business and trust your instincts.

I asked a few writer friends for their advice on deailing with the knockbacks without going insane or giving up.

“My tip on rejections is every time I get one back I find two more places to send it.”

Nell Dixon

“My tip would be simple: Eat chocolate, lots of it. Chat to a friend, preferably a fellow writer who understands your pain. Then get back to writing/editing/sending out!”

Elizabeth Hanbury

“Coping with rejection? Take it to readers directly by self-publishing. If you’ve got a solid, well-edited story, you’ll find a market.”

Talli Roland

Here’s mine: “Weep and wail for a short time then get mad – and then move on. It gets easier if you try and think of this business as a Business and not take R’s personally.”

If you have any more tips, please share them!

Comments

1. On March 8th, 2012 at 8:08 am
   susan elliot wright Says:
   

   Yes, definitely weep and wail for a bit,then eat chocolate, drink wine or both. Call a writing friend for a long chat, then wash your face and go back to your work. Can you see any ways of improving it? If so, crack on; if not, send it out again. Persistence is everything!

2. On March 8th, 2012 at 10:26 am
   Linda Gillard Says:
   

   Rejection… a subject close to my heart. The worst kind is definitely the dragging-on-for-months sort. One publisher said they’d like to publish my 4th novel, HOUSE OF SILENCE, then took 6 months to decide that actually, no, they didn’t.

   I learned to cope with rejection better once I realised it had little or nothing to do with the *quality* of my work, which was being rejected because it was hard to market, didn’t belong to a clear genre or because my sales record (cruelly catalogued by Nielsen Book Scan) didn’t justify someone taking a chance on me.

   My self-belief was never dented though and I never stopped writing, but I did lose faith in *publishing* when I kept getting those “We absolutely loved it, but we don’t want to publish” emails. In a way, I think it might have been easier to cope if they’d said “You cannot be serious?!…” Fulsome praise coupled with rejection is a hard pill to swallow.

   But gin helps. 😉

3. On March 8th, 2012 at 11:07 am
   Phillipa Says:
   

   Linda – oh yes, long, drawn out agony with praise at the end is by far the worst.

   Susan – I agree that persistence is everything but I do think that sometimes, you need a break from writing too. I find it helps me recover. :)This process is a marathon not a sprint, isn’t it?

4. On March 8th, 2012 at 12:15 pm
   Rachel Lyndhurst Says:
   

   Mourn for a day, drink wine, sob and obsess. Then do as Nell says and submit it to at least two more places.It’s kept me (relatively) sane thus far,but I’ve a long way to go …
   xxxxx

5. On March 8th, 2012 at 12:39 pm
   Chanpreet Says:
   

   I’m not a writer, so I haven’t been rejected in that sense, but I always find it best to wallow for a day and get it out of my system before moving on. And by wallow I mean feel sad, cry if need be, eat chocolate, or nothing if I feel like it, lie in bed, etc.

   It’s always good to let the disappointment and pain out.

6. On March 9th, 2012 at 5:47 am
   Phillipa Says:
   

   Rachel – your strategy has been very successful, I’d say, dahling…

   Chanpreet – letting out the disappointment and pain is key: but really, in the grand scheme of things, getting an ms rejected is really *not* that important. It’s part of a writer’s life but we do need encouragement to keep perservering. 🙂